Insults
by Enide Dear
Summary: Reeve insults Sephiroth and somehow lives to tell the tale.


Title: Insults  
Author: Enide Dear  
Pairing: SephirothxReeve No, you read that right  
Rating: work safe  
Summary: I just thought it would be cute, that's all…  
A/N: Do not try this at home. Or in the office. Or anywhere around Sephiroth ^^;

**

"General? Do you have a moment?" Sephiroth looked up as a pasty-faced man knocked on his door and grunted a resigned nod. He didn't recognize the man which usually meant a fan of some kind of bad sort who had managed to get past his stern secretary in search of an autograph.

The man stepped in and closed the door after him. He fidgeted nervously with his robe before taking a deep breath, probably to work up his courage. Sephiroth took the time to sign a few more papers; his time was valuable after all.

"I just wanted to say, General," the man's voice cracked a little, "that I think you are a fraud."

That made the General look up. With deliberate care he put down his pen and steeped his hands, fixating the man with cold, green reptile eyes.

"A fraud?" He said deceptively mild.

"Yes, General." The man shook of his robe and put it over a chair; he wasn't really pasty-faced, Sephiroth realized, just white faced with dreaded determination. "A fraud, a scam, and an all around looser." The man was sweating now, cold dropped forming on his forehead, one making a slow journey down his jaw to disappear in the neat beard. He leaned down to remove a shoe and a sock that, Sephiroth noted, had a pattern of cats. He'd always kind of liked cats, himself.

"I see." It was the beard that made it click in the General's mind. Very few ShinRa employees had those, after all. "I should know your name, shouldn't I?"

"All your exploits and heroism has been gravely exaggerated." The other shoe and sock.

"Reeve Tuesti, isn't it? Ah, yes, now I remember." With the grace of a hunting snake Sephiroth rose from his chair; the man recoiled and almost bolted, but something made him stand fast. "You are on the board of directors. Urban Planning Division, or something like that."

The man looked almost green with fear and he quickly shrugged of his tie and shirt.

"And everyone knows your sword is just for overcompensating, anyway."

"Hm." Very slowly, Sephiroth walked around the shivering man, pulling one slow finger up one arm, along shoulders and back and down again the other arm; not even close to a Soldier's muscularity, there were still a certain leanness on it that appealed. Reeve looked like he'd faint, but managed to croak out.

"You are probably frigid."

"Frigid?!" That actually stung a bit; he hadn't heard that particular insult before.

"Yes, General." Reeve shunned away as if expecting a blow. Of course, had Sephiroth hit him, no matter of protection would have helped.

Sephiroth sighed and went back to his chair, flopping back and rubbing his eyes.

"So how did Reno force you to do this?"

Reeve jolted and blushed.

"Um…you knew?"

"You are, unfortunately, not the first person he's blackmailed to come in here and insult me. Although I have to admit, the first one to strip."

"I thought…it might distract you enough that you didn't kill me." Reeve confessed, blushing even harder.

"Good plan." Sephiroth smirked as he saw the other one's baffled expression. "Well, it worked, didn't it? You are not dead. And much better than Zack's, he kept doing nervous squats and seeing him bob up and down like that made me rather nauseous. So, what did the damn red-head do this time?"

"He took my Cait!" Reeve suddenly waved his arms around, quite endearingly upset. Sephiroth had no idea who or what a Cait was, but it was barely important. "He won't return it unless I did…this."

"Let me know if he doesn't keep his word and I'll see to it. And please inform him that this particular prank of his went stale months ago. I trust we are done here?" He picked up his pen again.

"Uh, yes, General." Flustered and relieved, Reeve started to pull on his clothes, fumbling about a bit until he got it right. Out of the corner of his eye, Sephiroth couldn't help but watch a bit. As the man went to leave, he said:

"Oh, and Mr. Tuesti…if you are of a mind, show up at my place at seven and I'll give proof that I am in no way…frigid."

Shutting his gaping mouth with a snap, Reeve blushed even further, nodded once and hurrid out of the room.

Sephiroth smiled.


End file.
